college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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