ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
