end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
