I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
