you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize