The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
