I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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