I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
