Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
