i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
