I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
