Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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