yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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