You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
