i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize