your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
