He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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