I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
