just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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