I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
