so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
These tits shall not be calmed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
