She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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