The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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