youre lurking in front of me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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