i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
