shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
