you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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