My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
