TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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