I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
whose parrot is this?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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