remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
