i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
