the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was born a porn star she said
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
