I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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