no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize