My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Randomize