Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
