He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize