I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
