this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
