We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
