I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
