Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
