Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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