I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize