remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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