why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
