did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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