Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
