went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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