i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
