3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Even my vagina gasped.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
