I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
