Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
