My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
