Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
