I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have peed in a lot of sinks
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
