Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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