just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
