Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
