Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize