he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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