I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
