I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
