You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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