I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
