My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
