I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize