Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
