I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
