I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
