oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
