Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
