I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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