So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
