um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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