I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
