Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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