Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
