i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
