That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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