Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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